I began my reading this morning in Psalm 19. Verse 12 became a prayer for me today because I know that I am holding on to something I need to let go of.
• “Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults” (NKJV).
So I asked the Lord to help me understand my errors and to cleanse me…that’s when I read verse 14 and I was hit in the heart with conviction.
• “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer” (NKJV).
It was then that I realized the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart were not acceptable to Him. I have grumbled and complained all week about the offenders and my attitude became ugly because that is all I could think about. And then I moved on to Psalm 49 that told me in verse three;
• “My mouth shall speak wisdom, and the meditation of my heart shall give understanding” (NKJV).
I understood that I had not used my mouth to speak much wisdom this week; rather I have used it to speak poorly of others and I have used it to share how I have been wronged. But, thankfully, once I humbled myself and became still before the Lord and truly asked to be cleansed from secret faults, and allowed the meditation of my heart to give understanding, He was faithful to do so. As I read in Psalm 109, He revealed to me the root of the situation. My heart had been wounded within me (vs.22). I have been hurt and rather than give the hurt to Him I have held onto it and allowed it to grow and fester. The hurt happened weeks ago and rather than trust Him and permit Him to take and carry it, I kept it hidden in my heart and before I knew it, it was always on my mind and evident in my speech. The offense was all I thought about and all I wanted to talk about. Just as my heart began to soften to His Word- I read Psalm 109: 26-27;
• “Help me, O Lord my God! Oh, save me according to Your mercy”(NKJV).
I began to ask Him to help me heal the wound within my heart and help me trust Him to take care of me in this situation. I began to see that out of my hurt I felt justified in my anger and resentment. He has shown me over and over again that if I trust in Him, He will always help wounds heal, in His time and in His way. I only need to remain faithful to obey His Word.
Then I moved on to Psalm 139, which "just happened" to be one of the verses used in last night’s service. I have learned that if the same verse is being presented to you over and over- it is time to take notice and listen. The Lord gave me Psalm 139 twice in as many days. He wanted me to know and understand that He knows me, every part of me. I read, “O Lord, You have searched me and known me”. He searched me knowing what was really going on within my heart. He knew that I was carrying a very heavy bag full of hurt that led to anger, which turned into accusations, and then became consuming thoughts. I was not using my mouth to glorify Him or praise Him, only to spout out my reasons for being angry and hurt. And that offends Him. Now that we have worked through this I feel lighter. My shoulders do not hurt anymore from the heavy load and now we can continue along the path to everlasting life. Thanks for listening and allowing me to fess up in order to free up!! ☺ I believe it is true, honesty is the best policy. I allowed myself to be honest about myself and freedom came from it. And do you know what? Nothing has changed in the situation; yet, it has not consumed my thoughts again. Amazing! I would not have been in the state I was in had I followed the advice found in Proverbs 19:11 which says, “If you are sensible, you will control your temper. When someone wrongs you, it is a great virtue to ignore it” (GNT). It is not natural for me to ignore wrongs done to me but I can trust the Lord to work it all out, for good, in His timing.
So now I guess it is time to ask you; what conversations are you having with yourself or others? Are they conversations that bring glory to God or accusations against others? Have you been hurt by someone that has led you to carry offense and hurt in your heart? Be honest with Him and allow Him to be honest with you. Let Him show you areas that are hurt and allow Him to bring healing. After all- honesty is the policy, right?
I have included Psalm 139 for you to enjoy, if you so wish. God knows you and here is the proof. I pray you are blessed by it.
You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night-- but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me! O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers! They blaspheme you; your enemies misuse your name. O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you? Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life(NLT).