Kolleen Lucariello#TheABCGirl
Author. Writer. Speaker.
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The ABC's of Parenting: B-Build

5/14/2015

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After 30+ years of marriage, Pat and I have built a few projects together. We’ve purchased several items, including toys and furniture, which required hours of concentration to complete the task of putting them together. Assembling projects can be a true test of your marriage, can’t they? We’ve taken items out of boxes and stared long and hard at the instruction manual, trying to determine if what they are calling “A”, we too, are calling “A”.  Sometimes we’ve guessed right, but sometimes we’ve had to take the whole thing apart, because we discovered our guess was completely wrong. There is a process that must be followed when you construct something. If you are trying to build a toy or a piece of furniture, and you want it to last, you will need to start at step one. The same is true when you build your home and your family.

If you were preparing to build a house, the first step in the process would be designing the floor plan. If this isn’t your area of expertise, then it might be wise for you to hire an architect. You also might enlist the help of someone who has the knowledge and skill to help design the home you're dreaming of. Pat and I skipped this step when we decided to finish the basement in our home, which was one big empty open room when we purchased the house.  However, it had been designed with a beautiful fireplace, so we decided, after living in the home a few years, that we would finish the basement and make it extra living space. It never occurred to us that we might want to consider having someone with a little knowledge come and take a look. Nope­­—not us. We simply purchased a supply of two by fours, went into the basement, and proceeded to lay them out on the floor. We took each board, placing them on the cement and created rooms with statements like, “This looks good” and “Let’s make this a guest room.” Throughout the years we would regret that decision, as the rooms we thought “looked good” each held problems. Some aren’t square, one is extremely narrow, and one needed a wall removed to install a pocket door when no other door would work. If we had asked someone with knowledge first, we probably would have saved ourselves some of the frustration we’ve experienced through the years. The same is true for some of our parenting missteps; if we had asked for a little help and guidance, some of our frustrations might have been avoided.

It was during one of my frustrating misstep moments that the Lord brought this verse from Psalm 127 to light: “Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted” (vs. 1 NLT). What an “ah-ha” moment for me! We were trying to build a home and family without seeking the True Architect, the One Who had written and designed the plans for us. If we were going to create a home and build our family correctly, we were going to need to allow God to be the One to place the two by fours down and design the rooms. Otherwise, our work would be wasted. So, how do you build up a child? How will you build your family? Merriam-Webster defines build in this way: to develop according to a systematic plan, by a definite process, or on a particular base. Pat and I began to build our home, our children…our family upon a particular base; the base of our home would be the Word of God.

In Luke, chapter six, Jesus asked this question: “So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say? I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins” (vs. 46-49 NLT). If you want your house to stand, then together, as a team, agree to build it on the strongest foundation you will find—God’s Word. But don’t be fooled into believing that church attendance alone will keep your house standing; a good many churchgoers have shattered dreams lying beneath the rubble of their fallen homes.

What will your first step be? Maybe you need to decide if the layout of your home has been drafted to the proper specifications. Have you been using the right material? What about your foundation; what was it laid on? Will the foundation crack under pressure, or has it been built strong enough to withstand the storms that will come? With your spouse, work together to design your home; don’t just throw a few boards down and call it “good enough”— seek the advice of the Master Architect. He has the best design plans around. Dig deep to build your home… your marriage….your children… on the foundation of the solid Rock. Don't allow your work to be wasted.

Aggressively  

Build your

Castle

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The ABC's of Parenting: A-Aggressive

5/5/2015

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Have you seen the video of the mom from Baltimore who came to the rescue of her son after she saw him partaking in the rioting? I read that she was at home, watching the news when she saw a boy standing with the protesters; a dark hood covered his face, and he was throwing rocks at the police officers. She knew instantly who that boy was, and she took off like a rocket to get him out of there. Once she found him, she pulled him out of the crowd and smacked him right upside the head. “Get over here now” she demanded. She had one thing on her mind— saving this boy, her son, from the dangers he could face should he remain. I, along with many others, applaud her. She aggressively put up a fight to protect her son and get him out of a situation in which the outcome might be devastating. She didn’t hesitate by fearing the crowd, what others might say, or even how mad he might become at her; this was a mom fighting for her boy.

Watching this video triggered a thought for me, when and why did parents stop fighting for their kids? I mean aggressively fighting for them, not towards them but for them. Where were the other parents of those youth throwing rocks? And before we become too puffed-up, there are many who look on with disgust at a misbehaving child and criticize the parenting but when we see a parent trying to parent, we criticize that too. I recall one lovely shopping experience I painfully endured with my three little tots in tow; they may have been ages one, three and five at the time. They were tired and grumpy, not wanting to be in the grocery store, which meant I didn’t want to be there either. I can still see the older gentleman as I rounded the corner of the aisle, with the look of annoyance plastered on his face. He looked at those whiny kids whose mother obviously had no control and then his eyes shot up to me. He glared at me… I mean g l a r e d. That look was my breaking point. I said, “What?? Do you think I am having fun here?? Do you think this is fun for me? ‘Cause I assure you, it is not.” Shocked, he quickly bolted in the opposite direction, I imagine because he was thinking, “Wow. She’s going to snap!” A look that says, I have been there too, is much kinder than the look that implies you’re a failure because you can’t control your kid.

Let’s be clear— aggressive parenting is not abusive parenting. The Dictionary defines aggressive as ready and willing to fight. Aggressive Parenting is fighting for your child; abusive parenting is fighting your child, trying to control your child by force through aggression. Aggressive parenting also is not abusing your rights to fight for your child. When your child has done wrong, don’t fight for them to “get off the hook”. Aggressively seek the truth and help them learn the value of repentance and owning up to a mistake. Aggressive can also be defined this way: having or showing a bold forcefulness in the pursuit of a goal. Every parent should set goals for themselves. What kind of mother or father do I aspire to be? Ask yourself, do I have/show a bold forcefulness in the pursuit of the goals I’ve set as I raise my family? Also, don't be afraid to set goals for your kids. Make it a goal to instill good character within them. Now ask God to give you the wisdom and ability to press toward each goal you set.

Kids will have their moments: some will test and rebel, some will be easy and compliant… every child is different. They all need their parents, both mom and dad, to be active participants in their lives, fighting for them to live in this world that promises pleasure but often leaves them broken and discontented.  So…I encourage every parent to …

Be aggressive as you seek to know your child; rules without relationship will result in rebellion.

Be aggressive as you seek to understand, encourage and “train them up in the way they should go”(Proverbs 22:6).

Be aggressive as you invest in them. Remember, your time is worth more than your money.

Be aggressive as you pray for them; never, never, never stop praying. Never.

Be aggressive as you seek God’s Word for yourself so that you can become the very best YOU possible. This will help you become the person He designed you to be so you can be the parent you desire to be.

But as for you, O man of God, flee from all these things; aim at and pursue righteousness (right standing with God and true goodness), godliness (which is the loving fear of God and being Christ like), faith, love, steadfastness (patience), and gentleness of heart. Fight the good fight of the faith; lay hold of the eternal life to which you were summoned and [for which] you confessed the good confession [of faith] before many witnesses (1 Timothy 6:11-12 AMP).

I can hear a cheer from my high school days repeating in my head; it went something like this: Be Aggressive, Be-e Aggressive, Be Aggressive, Be-e Aggressive…Listen…I’m cheering you on.

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    "...Exhort one another daily, while it is called 'Today,' 
    lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin
    " (Hebrews 3:13, NKJV).

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