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Who Am I Meant to Be?

4/21/2012

Throughout this entire week, the Lord has been speaking to my heart on the subject of forgiveness. To be honest, it was on my mind so much that I began to wonder if I might have been holding on to some un-forgiveness towards someone. Don't ya know, once I asked the Lord to show me, He did. The Lord is always faithful to show you what is really in your heart, if you really want to know. Psalm 44:21b is a nice reminder that "He knows the secrets of the heart"(NKJV). I know that He also "desires truth in the inward parts"(Psalm 51:6 NKJV). So, once I recognized that I needed to work through un-forgiveness and let it go, I was able to find the freedom and peace I was lacking. But, just when I thought I would be able to move on, I was hit with the opportunity to get mad and offended all over again. Life is like walking along the beach at times; the waves just keep rolling in. So, back I go, to the place where I can be reminded of to Whom I belong and who I am meant to be. It can be easy to forget that when the waves of life keep rolling in, wanting to knock us over. I pull out my Sword, the Word, and take the shield of faith and begin to realize that I don't need to allow the waves to knock me over. I can prepare for them and brace myself to stand against them. Yes, sometimes the waves are going to knock me down- but I can get right back up. And when I am out of breath and feel as though I can't, I have One who can lift me.

Sometimes wounds inflicted on us are like big waves and they can knock us right over. In fact, they can drown us if we let them. The truth is, I've had a few moments when I've felt as though I may drown. I've been hurt by people I never expected to be hurt by and I have been knocked over by a few waves I never saw coming. But one place the Lord has never allowed me to sit for too long is in the seat of self pity. He has made me get up every time and look to Him for help, healing and hope. He has always reminded me that I have also inflicted wounds, some intentional and some not. He then reminds me that when Jesus was on the cross He cried out; "Father, forgive them, for they do not what they do" (Luke 23:34 NKJV). Maybe that should be my cry as well? Would I be able to let go of the hurt more quickly if I prayed right away; "Father, forgive them, they don't know that they hurt me." What if I were to acknowledge the hurt to the Lord? "Father, I know you see that my heart is wounded within me. Help me to forgive. Help me to release the hurt to You and not hold on to a grudge. Help me to forget what was said, or done, that hurt." Henry Ward Beecher said; "I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one." I liked this quote so much that I posted it on my Facebook. Some liked it and one wanted to repost it, but someone also commented that God was the only One who could cancel, tear and burn up the note. Humans cannot because we are, after all, only human. That comment made me ponder whether we, as Christians, are able to forgive and forget in our humanness. Are we never going to be able to overcome an offense simply because we believe we are only human? Is it impossible to move on and forget the wrongs done to us, based upon how we view ourselves? We learn in Acts 10:38 that God anointed Jesus with the Holy Spirit and with power and with that power He did good and healed all who were oppressed, because God was with HIm. Hasn't God has anointed us with the same Holy Spirit? Yes, He has. Do I have Holy Spirit power within me to overcome? Yes, I believe I do.

Here is what I have witnessed in my own life; it is true that where the mind goes, the man follows. When I dwell upon the sins done to me by others I cannot forgive nor do I forget. When I rehash them over and over in my mind and talk about them continuously, no, I will never forget, nor will I truly forgive. When I believe that I cannot change my way of thinking or choose to not change, then the waves of offense just keep rolling over me....until bitterness within my heart is so deep and heavy, I can hardly carry the weight of it. I am so thankful to know that He never overlooks my pain in the hurt. However, He never wants me to allow it to become an idol that I worship either. In the Old Testament when the Israelites fell away from the Lord, they worshipped idols at the "High Places". An offense that I refuse to forgive can become an idol in my life when I place it higher than the Lord. Every time I dwell there I am worshipping at a "high place". I have put my faith in my plan to get even, ignore the person, or seek revenge, rather than in the One who can truly take it away.

We may want to believe that it is just too hard to let go and forgive because of this reason or that. But what might happen if we saw ourselves differently? Could we begin to see ourselves as Teilhard de Chardin described us when he said; "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." What would change in our daily lives if we were to see ourselves not as humans, but as spiritual beings? And then if, as spiritual beings, we began to see ourselves as God sees us and walk as He has enabled us to walk? I can forgive because He says as I forgive, I also am forgiven (Matthew 6:14,15). Second Corinthians 2:16 tells me that I have been given the mind of Christ, so I can think about others and situations as He does. I can pray for those wounds and the offenders because He loves them just as much as He loves me. He died for them too. I can begin to believe the best of people, regardless of what they say or do. I can hold fast to Psalm 119:165 which says; "Those who love Your Law have great peace, and nothing will cause them to be hurt in their spirit" (NLV). I just love that. I was recently asked how I was able to forgive a very painful experience. My answer? It was only through the Power of Jesus Christ that I was able to forgive the offender and let go of the crime. Believe me, it didn't happen overnight, but once I refused to give the memory a place in my mind to dwell, I was able to overcome the enemy's trap. Here is the truth; it is very hard work to go to battle with your mind. When it wants to focus on the pain, you have to fight your thoughts! But listen to this verse; "...be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work" (2 Chronicles 15:7). That reward is freedom from the bitterness that takes over when you refuse to forgive. You may have something in your life that should never have happened to you. But reliving it every day makes you pay the price of the pain over and over again. Why not allow Christ to come in and heal you? He's waiting for you to desire Him to bring hope to your life! Here are a couple more quotes I really thought were great.

Forgive. It doesn't erase their crime but why should you do the time. Let go of resentment. ~Dodinsky
Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule. ~Lewis B. Smedes

I pray that you will allow Jesus to flow right into your heart today and wash the wounds away. Let Him renew your mind. Release your offenses and the offender of the crime to Him. It brings such freedom to your life. After all, "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new" (2 Corinthians 5:17). I am one of those old things that has become new. I am looking forward to the new me, the one who forgives freely because I know I have been forgiven of so much. I know that God never intended for me to become a woman with nothing but bitterness in her heart. I know I was meant to be all that His Word tells me I am. Dig into the Word and discover who you were really meant to be.

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As a Man Thinks....So is He

4/14/2012

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Sometimes when I find myself looking in the mirror, I am not overly impressed with what is staring back at me. A new wrinkle and an ever-growing population of gray hair make me realize just how challenging growing older can really be! They just seem to come out of nowhere, reminding me that everyday, I am one day older than I was yesterday. There are ways, however, that I can take to help minimize those outer areas of which I dislike. A box of Revlon’s Hair color in Medium Golden Brown does wonders for those obnoxious grays and I love Arbonne’s Anti-Aging creams for those small creases on my face. Dictionary.com describes a wrinkle as: “A small furrow or crease in the skin, especially of the face, as from aging or frowning.” (Dictionary.com, 2012) After reading that definition I decided that to have them from aging would be better than from frowning! But truth is, some days when I look into the mirror it is not just the outer shell that I see that can make me frown. It can happen in a split second. And it can come out of nowhere, when I least expect it to happen and can catch me off guard very quickly. Just like that I can have a frown upon my face when I look in the mirror and skip the outer shell and look beyond that- straight to my past. When I look at my past mistakes and regrets and I see that person, I can wrinkle up my nose and my smile can turn upside down into a great big frown. Learning to move forward from my past and believe that I am different because I gave my life to Christ has been quite a journey for me. One that I cherish. Every day I am able to discover something new in God’s Word that implants a nugget of truth in my heart that gets me one step closer to freedom from the frown.

One of the little nuggets of truth that I discovered over the last few weeks has been through a study of the Old Testament, specifically of David. I am pretty sure that most of us know some of David’s history. Especially his history with a woman named Bathsheba. But there really is more to David than Bathsheba. The Lord chose David, to be King following Saul because the Lord described him as a “man after his own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14). When we read about David in his early years one can certainly see a man, who trusted completely in the Lord, when all odds seemed to be against him. He was pursued relentlessly by King Saul who tried to have David killed. But there are some moments in his life that show me, show us, that even a man after God’s own heart can make mistakes and not allow them to define him. A few of David’s not so bright spots for us to read about happened when:
➢ He should have been at war, He took another man’s wife, Bathsheba, slept with her and she became pregnant. After several failed attempts to get her husband to sleep with her to cover up the sin, he had her husband killed (2 Samuel 11).
➢ He was a man who really did not like confrontation. He did not discipline his children and disorder ruled in his house because of it (2 Samuel 13-15).
➢ He sinned against the Lord when he decided to number Israel and Judah (2 Samuel 24).
Through David’s mistakes we can learn that in the midst of bad choices and wrong actions, God is able to clean us up and move beyond them, if we allow ourselves a belief system built upon the Promises of His Word.
Here are some of my nuggets of truth that David has taught me;
➢ While David needed to suffer the consequences of each of his sins against the Lord, he never blamed the Lord, or anyone else for that matter, for his sin. He took responsibility for his own actions. I must also take responsibility for my own actions.
➢ When confronted with his sin he simply repented. He acknowledged his sin was indeed sin and asked God to forgive him. Sometimes it is hard to admit that a desire I may have might be a sin against the Lord. I must learn to accept what is sin in God’s eyes and admit when I partake of it.
➢ He allowed God’s anointed to speak into his life and confront those areas of sin. How many times have I become offended when a Pastor has a message of truth from the Word that I would rather not hear? It’s not comfortable to have my toes stepped on….but oh, it is so necessary.

But do you want to know the greatest nugget of truth I learned from David? I can hardly stand it! It gets me so excited I just want to climb to the top of a mountain and shout it out! (And I have climbed a few small mountains and don’t really care for the challenge of it. But this is so freeing I just might be willing to do it.) I discovered it in 2 Samuel 22. The chapter begins with:“Then David spoke to the Lord the words of this song, on the day when the Lord had delivered him from the hand of all his enemies, and from the hand of Saul. And he said; “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; The God of my strength, in whom I will trust;  My shield and the horn of my salvation,  My stronghold and my refuge;  My Savior, You save me from violence. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised;  So shall I be saved from my enemies” (2 Samuel 22: 1-4). While I love how David expresses Who God is to him, and yes, these verses are great nuggets for us to remember in our days of testing and trials. We can put our confidence in our Lord because He is our Rock, our Deliverer, our Strength and Shield. He is our Savior, worthy of Praise and able to save us. Such great truth, but my revelation came when I read how David expresses who HE was to God… if we continue to read on to verse 20 we read: “He also brought me out into a broad place;  He delivered me because He delighted in me. “The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness;  According to the cleanness of my hands  He has recompensed me. For I have kept the ways of the Lord,  And have not wickedly departed from my God. For all His judgments were before me;  And as for His statutes, I did not depart from them. I was also blameless before Him,  And I kept myself from my iniquity. Therefore the Lord has recompensed me according to my righteousness,  According to my cleanness in His eyes” (2 Samuel 20-25).

Now, let me tell you, when I first read this verse all of David’s prior sins ran through my mind. How could he possibly say that he had kept the ways of the Lord? How could he call himself blameless? Kept himself from iniquity? Huh? I can review all those chapters and read his own words of admission, of guilt for his "iniquity." Leave it to me to want to point out and remind him of his past"failures". If I don't allow myself off the hook I certainly can't allow another, right? And then it hit me. The Lord opened my eyes to see what I have been missing. David was a man who truly understood repentance and restoration. He was the man who told us that the Lord removes our sins as far as the east is from the west (Ps. 103:12). He also said that the Lord forgives all your iniquities and redeems your life from destruction (Ps. 103 3, 4). He didn't deny what he had done but he completely believed that as soon as he repented God removed his sin. The sin was gone and David was able to do something I have a difficult time with and that is forgive himself and let the sin go. Which brought me to this question; If God can forgive and let me (us) off the hook, why can’t I (we)? Rather than take God at His Word we look in the mirror and our sin stares back. Maybe it’s because we have not totally allowed ourselves to believe that God is true to His Word. Maybe we don’t see God as our Deliverer, our Strength or our Savior. But He wants to be, if we would only allow Him total access to our hearts. Proverbs 23:7 reminds us that “as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Whatever I think about myself is what I am bound to become. I want to become everything that God declares me to be. I can't change the past but I can change the thoughts I have about it. I may look in the mirror and see a few wrinkles on my face, but I surely don't want to see the wrinkles from my past.

So, what do you see when you look in the mirror? What thoughts of yourself do you carry in your heart? Maybe it is time to put your trust in Christ, Who can take the sins of the past and wipe the slate clean so you can live a life blameless before Him. Maybe it's time to remove the frown. :)

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"The Lord Told Me..."

4/7/2012

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This past week during my study of the Old Testament book of First Kings I came upon a story that has left me very convicted and, to be honest, extremely repentant. It was a new story for me, one that I had never heard before nor had I ever read. It is found in First Kings chapter 13. Here’s a little synopsis to catch you up as to what was going on during this time. Israel, for the first time, has become a divided Kingdom. Rehoboam, Solomon’s son, ruled the Tribes of Judah and Benjamin and Jeroboam became King over the other 10 tribes of Israel. Unfortunately Jeroboam became fearful of the people’s hearts returning to King Rehoboam, if they were to return to Jerusalem to offer their sacrifices, so he made two golden calves and presented them saying; “It is too much for you to go up to Jerusalem. Here are your gods, O Israel, which brought you up from the land of Egypt”(1 Kings 13:28)! Over time he made shrines on the High Places, made Priests who were not of the sons of Levi, ordained a feast and offered sacrifices on the altar. All of which did not go unnoticed by God and all of which were sin to Him. Now we can move on to my discovery in First Kings 13…

The first heading in my Bible in 1 Kings 13 is; “The Message of the Man of God.” And what a message it was! One that Jeroboam wasn’t very happy to hear. The Man of God said; “O altar, altar! Thus says the Lord: ‘Behold, a child, Josiah by name, shall be born to the house of David; and on you he shall sacrifice the priests of the high places who burn incense on you, and men’s bones shall be burned on you’” (1 Kings 13:2). King Jeroboam wanted the Man of God arrested and when he stretches out his hand against him, it withered and he could not pull it back to himself. He asks the Man of God to; “‘please entreat the favor of the Lord your God, and pray for me, that my hand may be restored to me.’ So the man of God entreated the Lord, and the king’s hand was restored to him, and became as before. Then the king said to the man of God, “Come home with me and refresh yourself, and I will give you a reward.” But the man of God said to the king, “If you were to give me half your house, I would not go in with you; nor would I eat bread nor drink water in this place. For so it was commanded me by the word of the Lord, saying, ‘You shall not eat bread, nor drink water, nor return by the same way you came.’” So he went another way and did not return by the way he came to Bethel” (1 Kings 13:6-10). Please notice that the Man of God spoke; “it was commanded me by the word of the Lord, saying,” don’t forget that part, please, as we continue with another important aspect to this story.

If you continue reading on you will discover that an Old Prophet lived in Bethel and heard all about what happened that day when his sons came to tell him. So, he went after the Man of God and invited him to come home with him and eat bread. But, the Man of God said again; “I cannot return with you nor go in with you; neither can I eat bread nor drink water with you in this place. For I have been told by the word of the Lord, ‘You shall not eat bread nor drink water there, nor return by going the way you came’” (1 Kings 13:16-17). Then the Old Prophet does something that left me amazed. He tells the Man of God this; ““I too am a prophet as you are, and an angel spoke to me by the word of the Lord, saying, ‘Bring him back with you to your house, that he may eat bread and drink water’” (He was lying to him.) (1 Kings 13:18). So, the Man of God went back with him. Get your bible out and read the story, you will discover that the Man of God lost his life over his disobedience to the word of the Lord. And it happened very quickly that a lion meets him on the road and kills him. I just feel I have to share why I am so convicted by this story. There are several reasons actually, and here they are.

Reason One: I was convicted over the Old Prophets ability to lie to the Man of God with no regard for the Man of God. He had his own motive and agenda on his mind. I’m not sure what that was, but, he was living in a very sinful place and I assume he hadn’t heard much from the Lord because of it. Regardless, he lied. It did not matter to him that the Man of God was in obedience to what the Lord had spoken to him. He lied to persuade the Man of God to do what he wanted rather than what the Lord had instructed. I had to stop and ask myself, how many times have I told someone what I might have thought was a word of the Lord for them, when it really was just coming from my own heart? I don’t believe I have ever intentionally lied to someone but I remember many years ago walking up to our Pastor and saying, quite confidently, “The Lord told me that you had a word for Me.” to which he replied with a chuckle; “Oh really? Well, I guess He forgot to tell me what it was.” Ahhh…. We must be ever so careful that we aren’t trying to move others by our own agendas and desires. It can be pretty tempting to tell someone that we have heard the Lord for them, but we always must first check our motives and realize that He can speak to them too. Motives matter. I like Proverbs 14:15 - “A true witness delivers souls, but a deceitful witness speaks lies.”

Reason Two: I was convicted by the fact that the Man of God told Jeroboam and the Old Prophet what the Lord had commanded him to do. Yet, he gave in to the invitation of the Old Prophet, even though it was the same invitation Jeroboam had given him and it was exactly what the Lord told him not to do. Had he stood by his convictions and had a discerning heart he would not have disobeyed God and paid such a price for his disobedience in the end. I have convictions too, but how many times have I given in to the voice of a good friend or a respected leader telling me I should do something that I knew I was not to do? How many times have I disobeyed the Lord because I wasn’t discerning of His truth? Too many times, I am sure. Proverbs 14:15 says; “The simple believes every word, but the prudent considers well his steps.” I, just like the Man of God, can say; “I have been told by the word of the Lord…” because I have His Word with me. He tells me through it what I am to do and what I am not to do. That’s why it is so important to know the Word of God. First John 4:1 teaches us that we are not to just believe every thing we hear. “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” If I am told by the word of the Lord not to do something when someone comes to tell me otherwise, I must live by my convictions to His Word. Even if it might ruffle a few feathers.

Reason Three: I was convicted over ruffled feathers. (Oh, ouch this one really hurts). I had to repent to the Lord for times that I had allowed myself to get angry, hurt and upset because someone did not follow my advice and did not do as I thought they should. And I had to repent for times when I allowed myself to be persuaded by others because I feared making them mad. I am so convinced that many of us are doing things God never intended for us to do because we don’t want to hurt feelings, or make others mad. That is no way to live and it is wrong to use anger as a tool of manipulation to move others to do what we want them to do. All week I have had memories flood my mind of times when I struggled trying to be obedient to the Lord and walk in my convictions while friends may not understand them. One time in particular was when a friend became involved in a Home Based Business. We were presented with it and made an emotional decision to participate. Not long after signing the papers the Lord began to press on me that this was not for us. It really began to feel wrong for us to do so we needed to back out. That made things pretty awkward with my friend and I. She couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t join in this opportunity and I didn’t really understand why we couldn’t join. I just knew that the Lord was telling me no. It kind of became an issue between us and that is never God. I don’t think God is out to make us mad and resentful towards one another. I’ve made some pretty emotional decisions and have learned, the costly, hard way, to make sure I take time to pray now first! I never want to be the Old Prophet who lies for the sake of my own selfishness and I don’t want to become the Man of God who loses in the end because of partial obedience.

Reason Four: Partial obedience. The Man of God obeyed the Lord by not going to King Jeroboams, but he went back to the Old Prophets. Kay Arthur writes; “Partial obedience is still disobedience.” (The New Inductive Study Series; Walking Faithfully with God.” How about that? Partial obedience is still disobedience. I was really convicted by that statement. The Man of God would lose his life over his partial obedience. I wonder what I have lost over mine? What have you lost? We may still enjoy life, but is there something dead inside? Did we lose time with friends because we did not obey the still small voice that whispered; “take the time and give them a call?” Did we lose valuable time with our children because we weren’t able to discern God’s voice of instruction on how to best parent them? Have we lost in our marriages because we failed to meet the needs of a spouse? Partial obedience in our finances can surely lead to bankruptcy. You get it, right? I do too and I don’t want to lose any more than I may have already lost. It is time to ask the Lord to show me where I give only partial obedience and fully surrender to total obedience.

So please, lets allow one another to pray and seek the Lord if you feel you have heard Him speak for someone. Accountability is always a good thing, I know respect and I appreciate it. If we see someone about to fall…let’s reach out and catch them. But let’s be careful that we aren’t manipulating one another with the phrase “the Lord told me…” for our own desires and motives.

And thanks for taking the time to read this and allowing me to blog … I feel so much better now!

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