In 2010, I sent a manuscript I had written to a publishing company. I had written the book on identity for two friends and I to work through in an effort to grow in our faith.  

At the time, I wasn’t confident I was traveling in the correct lane for a few reasons: 1) I didn’t believe I was qualified, 2) I didn’t believe anything I said had value and 3) history had taught me that roadblocks and unexpected crashes often followed my attempts to venture out and try something new.  Yet something about this felt right. So, I sent the first three chapters of the book to the publishing company for consideration.  

Then… I waited.  
Life continued. 
And then… I forgot.  

Until the day I received an email from the publishing company. They had received my manuscript, and asked that I provide them with a physical address should they decide to publish my book. Was I ecstatic? No. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to do—I hadn’t told anyone about the submission. I had become embarrassed by my many false starts and unfulfilled plans. I felt it was best to keep this to myself and then--when the rejection arrived--I would be the only one to know. Now what? 

They were asking for my address. What should I do? I remember the night I decided to give Pat a briefing of the situation. We had just returned home from an evening service at church. When I stood at the foot of our bed and said, “I might have done something,” his eyes shifted from the screen of the television and locked on me.  
 
"What did you do now?”  

After years of experience with my let’s-try-something-new adventures—that quite possibly could turn into a mess--I’m certain he felt panicked by the thought he was about to enter into another one. After assuring him I didn’t think I’d made a mess, I told him what I’d done. “Wow!” he said, “Is that all? Go ahead and send it to them!”  

With Pat’s blessing I sent them our address.  
Life continued.  
And… I forgot.  

Until one day while I was outside playing with my daycare kids and Fed Ex delivered an envelope requiring my signature. Inside was a contract from Tate Publishing. I was flabbergasted. I also wondered if this was too good to be true.  
 
Research. Lots and lots of research.  
 
Over the next few weeks Pat and I sought to do due diligence in our research of the publisher and if they could be trusted. We had family and friends assist in the research. Some articles said they were the real deal, while others said they were a vanity publishing company. What exactly did that mean? I spoke on the phone with an acquisition editor at the company who assured me there was a market for The ABCs of Who God Says I Am. They would be delighted to be the ones to publish it.  
 
Finally, after weeks of prayer and listening to the counsel of others, Pat decided we would accept their invitation to publish. He took me out to dinner the night we put the contract in the mail to celebrate his wife--the author. 
 
The next year stretched me in ways I had never known. There were deadlines to meet, words to revise, and thoughts to explore. I sat before a computer screen and poured  my heart out. What an incredible feeling to hold the first copy of  MY book, and in January of 2013 I found myself at my very first book signing. It was surreal and I knew God was opening the door to something new in my life.   
 
When my eyes fell upon an advertisement for Christian’s Writer’s Conference in July of 2014, I  registered. Honestly, I wasn’t aware there was such a thing! Unlike most of the authors I met that week, I hadn’t grown up with a desire to write. I did not believe my purpose was connected to writing. Granted, I had no idea what my purpose was, but I never considered it to be writing. Yet, spending the week with some of the most amazingly gifted people was life changing for me.  
 
The week set me on a pathway to discover a gift and a purpose. It was also eye opening and—at times—quite painful. (Oh yes, a bit embarrassing when I walked through the lobby with my skirt stuck in my underwear. A shout-out of praise to the woman who ran to my aid and placed her bag over my backside while whispering in my ear, “You need to pull your skirt out of your underwear.”) 
 
The truth can be hard to embrace, and the conference held plenty brutal moments of truth. Such as: 
 

• The wince I saw on the face of--not one--but every professional who heard the name of the company mentioned as the publisher of my book. 

• The list of reasons why there was concern when they explained the wince.  
• The mistakes and missteps I was now aware the publisher had made throughout the process of publishing, as well as within the book itself.  

 
As I sat in a class at the conference, I had an “ah-ha” moment when I realized I had actually started at the finish line of writing a book and now the Lord was now moving me back to the beginning. He had used the book as a tool to alert me to the gift of writing He’d given me, but now I needed to learn the craft of writing. I know why He did it, too. Rejection. I am confident that if I had received rejection letters from publishers, I would have ended my quest with the conclusion I had missed the mark—again. This set me on a course of learning about the writing world, and improving my craft. I met wonderful people at the conference and was introduced to Kathy Carlton Willis, and her writer’s group, WordGirls. I joined right away and spent three years learning from Kathy, as well as the other WordGirl members.  
 
Then came the devastating news.  
 
In 2017, I received an email detailing the publisher's decision to cease operations. I was also informed that for $50 I could request and receive the files to my manuscript. After seeking wise counsel, I was advised to refuse the option as my contract was proof that I owned the rights to the manuscript. Unfortunately, the founder and CEO of the publishing company and his son were arrested, found guilty, and sentenced to twenty years of jail time for fraud. They must pay back nearly one million in restitution. Thankfully, I received my book (some authors paid them and never received anything). However, I never received the manuscript. This meant my book The ABCs of Who God Says I Am was no longer in print.  
 
Through the course of time I went to a writer’s conference hoping to find a new publisher – I did not. While at the conference my sister, Kara, passed away and any thought about the book was cast far from my mind. Then, the ministry of Activ8Her came along and I was pulled further away from the book. While attending a WordGirls Writer’s Retreat I met Michelle Rayburn who owns Mission and Media. She helps authors take their message and turn it into media. I also was introduced to Brandi Ginty, owner of Inkible, who began coaching Chrissy and I with our teaching videos and curriculum for Activ8Her. Each one a divine connection – I am certain of it.  
 
In late 2019 I finally felt the Lord was ready for me to republish the book, but this time it would be done with care and excellence. I reached out to Michelle who accepted the project, and Brandi who agreed to edit the very first manuscript I had written for the book. They both had their work cut out for them – they are my heroes! We began work in November of 2019 and today the book is here.  
 
It, too, has a new identity! A new title, #beYOU: Change Your Identity One Letter at a Time! What I believed was dead and had no life left to her, Michelle and Brandi have both assured me has value and purpose again. I am so grateful for these two who believed in the book so much they spent hours preparing her for resurrection.  
 
I believe that even if you read The ABCs Of Who God Says I Am you will be blessed by #beYOU: Change Your Identity One Letter at a Time. If you’d be willing to be part of my Influencer Team and read the book and write an honest review, please sign up to receive email updates here. I will let you know when the kindle version of the book is available at no cost to you. Thank you so much!  
 
I am thrilled to know God still has a plan and a purpose for this book. Thanks for sharing in my joy as I journey on in my desire to write for God’s glory and to encourage you to allow Him to change your identity one letter at a time.  
 
#beYOU,  
 
Kolleen  

PS. You may preorder the book on my product page or the Kindle version on Amazon. 

During the last week of September, my husband usually begins the process of preparation for our pool for its season of rest. After he removes the handrails, a diving board and stairs, he hunts me down for my help.  After Pat does the manual labor, I assist him by holding the air compressor nozzle to each pipe until all of the air is removed from the pool lines. We don’t want to find a broken water line in the spring.  Once he is sure the pipe is free from air, he caps the inlets on each end of the pool. Every year, this scene is completed and without fail, as I stand in the pool house, I reminisce. This, I will confess, usually leads to a bit of complaining. No one can hear me because of the extreme noise of the air compressor, so I am even free to complain out loud. As my mind replays the fun of our warm summer days of play, my disappointment level increases at the thought of another summer’s end. My eyes remain focused on Pat, as I need to watch intensely for the “thumbs up” that lets me know when to remove the nozzle. My mind and mouth, however, are focused on my sadness over the loss of summertime as I grumble to the Lord about the changing of seasons.
 
As Central New Yorkers living east of Lake Ontario our little town is a perfect target for snow. We can accumulate snow, lots of heavy wet lake effect snow. A few years back, Parish welcomed 88” of snow over three days. With thoughts of all things snow—blowers, shovels, ice and storms—my heart yearns for a longer season of warm summer sunshine. On this day though, as I grumbled away in my gloom over what was coming, I took note of the still small voice within me as He whispered, “Instead of grumbling over the fact it’s time to close the pool, why don’t you thank Me for the enjoyment you had in the pool? Rather than feeling sad that summer is over, thank Me for the memories you made. You should thank Me at the close of every season for all I’ve provided during that season. Appreciation will Brighten the Change of every single season if you look for Me in them.” I was struck by His words. Thank Him at the end of every season? I only thank Him at the end of winter because I am just SO thankful it’s over. I’ve never thanked Him for my time in a particular season, or for the new one approaching. Usually, my focus is on what I feel I am losing or the dread of what comes next.
 
As summer days pass on, I’m thinking about fall, which will usher in the beauty of changing leaves. However, with winter imminent, my thoughts quickly turn to the next season, so I never enjoy fall quite like I should.  I’m rejoicing when winter finally begins to fade, and spring shows up at our doorstep. While I might enjoy the warmer days and spring flowers, my eyes quickly look towards the plans of summer. This “ah-ha moment” helped me recognize that the same has been true in my spiritual life. I’ve failed to allow Appreciation to Brighten the Change of the seasons I’ve passed through. I may shoot out a “Thank You” because a difficult season is over, but I haven’t allowed appreciation to exude from me for the beauty of the growth within me that came from the season. I realize how my spiritual seasons look something like this:
 
In the spring season, I welcome the new as signs of life and new growth begin to appear from under the earth. Spring always feels like a season of revival for me. We begin to come out from hibernation after those long, cold winter days. It’s time to enjoy the warming sun and longer days. We unlock the windows, open them wide and spring cleaning begins. Fresh. Spring is like a fresh start. Spiritually, my spring season brings anticipation as I sense God is about to move. Isaiah wrote, “Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them” (42:4, NKJV). I love a spring season in my spiritual life when I sense God is awakening something new within me. I am open to His spring–cleaning deep in my soul, seeking Him for the fresh and new. Well, I should clarify; sometimes I’m guilty of being open to the new as long as I feel I am in control of what’s coming. There are some aspects of a spring season I’ve found difficult to endure; like those April showers – the ones that brought flooding to our finished basement, more than once. While we were working feverishly to prevent the water from entering, it was impossible to stop. We prayed for it to stop—actually, we prayed for it not to happen—but it happened regardless. I’ve had some struggles during my spiritual spring when I’ve felt helpless, praying earnestly for God to stop what I couldn’t. Appreciation will brighten the change within a rainy spring season when I thank Him for growing my faith. It’s during this season that I’ve learned to trust when God says “no” or “wait” because He has a better plan, even if I might not understand it.
 
In the summer season, I enjoy family vacations and lazy days at the beach, relaxing by the pool, BBQs and family reunions. We enjoy the heat—which can be just right—although some days it feels a little too hot. The high-humidity-sticky-hot kind of heat that can become so uncomfortable it’s almost unbearable. For many years, we didn’t have an air-conditioner in our home, so there was no escaping the heat; a fan was our only comfort. A little cool air was better than no air at all. I’ve experienced some hot, dry spells in my spiritual seasons of summer as well, which have left me thirsty and uncomfortable, longing for refreshment in my soul. I refer to these moments as my wilderness wanderings.  As I press through a dry season, I seek to understand why I can’t seem to hear God, or why He seems so distant. I, like David, find myself calling out, “You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek You; I thirst for You, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water” (Psalm 63:1, NIV). My spiritual summer season becomes sticky-hot as the Lord begins to correct and discipline, whereas the enemy uses the heat to cause apathy in my quiet time with the Lord. Appreciation brightens the change within a hot, dry season as I learn to press through the dry times, remaining faithful and dependent upon Him to bring the refreshment I long for. He alone can quench my thirst.
 
In the fall season, our eyes behold the beauty of the changing leaves. We enjoy apples picked right off the tree and all things pumpkin. Also, in our family, a love for football brings excitement and anticipation for the Green Bay Packers. Schedules tighten up as kids go back to school, and the windows begin to close at night as cooler air is ushered in.  In my spiritual season of fall, I’ve learned from the leaves that it is okay to let go. I’ve even noticed some leaves let go when their color is still vibrant; they don’t wait until they are dead. They’ve taught me I must not hold so tightly to friendships that are out of season, plans and schedules, my right to hold a grudge or what other people think. You know, all things relating to…well…me. Solomon’s words in Ecclesiastes chapter three have been helpful to me during a season of letting go. This passage reminds me that God has an appointed time for every season. Every season. It’s hard to live free when you’re consumed by the need to control. Appreciation brightens the change of my fall season as I experience the freedom of letting go and allow God to work all things together for good (Romans 8:28). Beauty will burst forth when I do.
 
The remaining season is the season of winter. I have never been a fan of winter. Pat and I grew up in Western part of New York State with plans of moving away from the unrelenting winters standard to that area. The Lord had other plans for us and planted us in an area that yearly accumulates an equal amount of snow, if not more. For me, winter ushers in temperatures that are too cold for my liking. While there are moments in which winter may look pretty, snow often interferes with and disrupts plans. All creation seems to stop. The trees go bare, the birds stop their song and the days get very long and dark. Stillness settles over us in the winter. Job 37:7 from the Amplified Bible says, “God seals (brings to a standstill, stops) [by severe weather] the hand of every man, that all men [whom He has made] may know His work [that is, His sovereign power and their subjection to it].” I’ve found myself in a spiritual season of winter numerous times when the unexpected ushered in storm after storm of disrupted plans and dreams. I’ve experienced long dark days of depression and confusion, which left me feeling cold, bare and empty. Bitterness creates quite a chill inside a heart.  But while winter may look like death to the natural eye, there is still life beneath the snow and cold. We discover how busy the moles have been throughout the winter as the snow melts; a lot can happen under the covered soil, in the dark.  And in my seasons of winter—while the weight of my pain is crushing—God is still able to work. I become still and in the stillness He is able to speak. This is where He whispers, “Be still in My presence and wait patiently for Me to act (Psalm 37:7)” Simply, Be still. Appreciation brightens the change during the winter season when I remain still during the storm, trusting in His Sovereign power. May we all seek to discover His work in the deep dark places as we remain still before Him.
 
God often ushers us through cycles of seasons, and we can treasure each one if we decide to allow…
 
Appreciation: an ability to understand the worth, quality, or importance of something: an ability to appreciate something.
 
to Brighten: to make (something) more colorful or cheerful.
 
the Change: to make (someone or something) different. (Merriam-webster.com)
 
in every. single. one.
 
#BeYou
A-Appreciative
 
 

“Don’t throw this move away.” I’d heard her say these words numerous times over the last few weeks but honestly, hadn’t paid much attention to them.  On this particular day, however, it was as if I were hearing them for the first time.
 
The her I am referring to is the instructor on the workout video I committed myself to completing. It’s called Slim in Six, and after years of a less-than-stellar exercise habit, I decided this was the year of change. But, as is my customary pattern, after a few days of effort, I’d begun complaining to my husband because the results I wanted to see where still in hiding.
 
“Give it time,” he said.
“You just started,” he said.
“It’s taken you years to put on the weight you can’t expect to lose it in six days,” he said.
“It’s Slim in Six weeks, not six hours,” he said.
 
All true, but then I heard those five words.
 
Don’t throw this move away.
 
The move she was referring to is a simple move – reaching up and over; perhaps this is why she thinks people will throw it away. We might discount its value.  She also reminds me during the workout that each move counts, and they are all here for a reason so it’s important to make the effort. After all, I am worth it.   
 
Is it possible results lack when I assume a simple move is a pointless one? Have I been putting my all into every move she’s asked me to do? Have I been faithful to complete each and every move with my best effort? The answer is an honest – no! When the effort becomes too difficult—I take a water break; yet, when the move seems too simple—I discount its value. My goodness. What might the results be if I valued each move regardless of its simplicity or difficulty?
 
As she motivates me to be mindful that every move has value in exercise, I become aware that every move God asks me to make has value, too. Yet, often I discount the move, or fail to make the effort, when I don’t feel I am worth it – or I fail to see the results I was hoping for. 
 
It’s easy to discount the moves we make to improve relationships when the results are not as we expected. I recently encouraged a friend to not throw away the move of the apology God asked her to make. She was ready to when the results weren’t what she’d anticipated. It’s not easy to humble our self and seek forgiveness for a hurt we’ve caused. And, why bother to apologize at all if we never see a change in the relationship? It’s not easy to wait for the heart of the offended to soften, but we shouldn’t discount our obedience to the Lord and assume the apology didn’t matter.
 
Thinking back to my days as a stay-at-home mom, repeating the same statements countless times. I’d think to myself if they didn’t hear me the first 1,567,499 times what makes me think they are going to hear me now? But I continued to repeat them.
 
“Put the toilet seat down.”
“Don’t touch your sister.”
“Please remove your dirty shoes outside.”
“Please shut the door behind you.”
“Please just eat your dinner without complaining.”
“Walk, don’t run.”
“Say, ‘Thank you’ or ‘Please.’”
 
Oh, mommas, as tempting as it is to throw the move of repetition away, don’t discount the value of good instruction. “Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the Lord will be joyful” (Proverbs 16:20, NLT). I can promise you one day you will see the results of your commitment to repetition. You will see your instructions lived out through your children. And as an added bonus, you will hear your children repeating themselves to your grandchildren.
 
We discount the value of our efforts to walk in obedience to God when we feel we have the right to determine the outcome. I think every act of kindness should be met with a thank you and a high five. Is it? No. After the battle I just endured to maintain my composure I’d like to have my patience recognized and rewarded. Will it be? No. When my flesh craves to be accepted, appreciated, and applauded should I discount every act of love because I was rejected, neglected, and criticized? Again–no. God does not discount faithfulness.
 
I’ve heard many fitness coaches talk about the importance of stretching but not stressing our muscles. I think God works like that, too. He’s not trying to add stress to our lives but He certainly will stretch us to become the person He created us to be. We simply must remember our responsibility is to move when God says to. He will take it from there. Every move He asks us to make is spiritual training so be faithful to put forth your best effort. He’s worth it, and so are we.
 
As I allow God to change my identity—one letter at a time—I finally recognize it’s my responsibility to M-Move.  I will no longer discount the task He’s put before me—whatever that may be—based on the outcome I see with my natural eyes. When He says, “Move” I won't throw it away. I want to remember what Paul wrote to Timothy, “For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come” (I Timothy 4:8 NKJV).

What about you? Are you ready to 
#BeYou
​M-Moveable
 
 
 

For my 54th birthday, my hubby gifted me with a bicycle, and I discovered—while it’s true you never forget how to ride a bike—the pace definitely slows down a bit if you haven’t ridden in a long time. Or exercised regularly (apparently, how fit you are makes a difference, too).
 
As a kid, I enjoyed riding my bike, and as a teenager it often served as my transportation. My bicycle carried me from our home outside of town to my friends, social activities and my summer job. Riding the three miles to town was a piece of cake—back then! Now however, as a woman in my fifties, who hasn’t been on a bicycle in years, the piece of cake is found on my dessert plate.
 
After a few weeks of riding alone I suggested we get Pat a bike too; having his company would add fun to my rides, and help motivate me to go. Soon we were both hitting the road on two wheels together. Loneliness was no longer my problem with Pat by my side. I now had another problem to contend with—such as keeping up with him. (He’s a bit more physically fit than I).
 
On our last ride together I became aware of the fact that he remained behind me the entire ride—an unusual occurrence—as he typically leads the way. His leading might seem insignificant, but as we rode I began to notice a difference in the pace I set, and continued to keep, with him behind me instead of out in front, or beside me.
 
We always seem to start out at a relaxed pace, riding next to one another, falling into a rhythm, while maintaining a comfortable speed--for me. But it is never long before he naturally finds himself out in the lead. Which suits me just fine; he's a great leader and I love to follow his lead. 
 
However, when Pat is out in front of me it becomes incredibly easy for me to give up peddling whenever it becomes too difficult and I feel I can’t continue. There’s a hill on our road and I have yet been able to conquer it. Probably because my definition of resistance training is to resist training whenever my muscles begin to put up a fuss. For instance, when my leg muscles begin to scream, enough already on that hill, I hop off my bike and walk it the rest of the way up. And when Pat is in front of me it’s much easier to quit because he won’t see. He’s gone on ahead of me, at his own pace and by the time he notices I’m no longer behind him he’s at the top of the hill watching me walk next to my bike.  
 
But on this particular ride we rode at my pace. I repeatedly told him he should pass me (I wanted him to pass me! I all but begged him to pass me!) He, however, refused and followed behind at a pace comfortable for me, not him. As we rode along I began to notice a shift in my determination not to quit. I pushed through every temptation to stop because I knew he was behind me, encouraging me to keep going.
 
You are doing great!
You can make it!
Don’t give up!
 
With him behind me I was also accountable. Encouraged, but accountable. I couldn’t just stop and get away with it. That was a good thing; it wasn’t an easy thing, but it was most definitely a good thing.
 
I realized, as we rode, how God uses people to play different roles in the lives of others. There are those who step out in front and lead by example. Others are destined to stay beside us and walk at our pace. These are the ones who are always within reach should we need them. We are in step together and that is comforting. They keep us moving at a steady pace.  
 
And then there are those willing to fall in behind us—not rushing to step beside us as they quickly make their way past—but patiently steadying us from behind as they offer support and encouragement. They’re the ones who know what we are capable of becoming and commit to be part of our progress. They hold us accountable.
 
Are you leading someone, in step with someone or are you following closely from behind? Let me ask you this: 
 
 Are you where you’re supposed to be? Are you doing your part where you are?
 

• If you are in the lead, don’t get so far out in front that you forget to stop every-so-often to check on how those following are doing. Maybe someone is walking up the hill instead of riding because you’re not looking.
• If you are beside someone, keep the steady pace, but make sure you don’t allow complacency to settle over someone. Sometimes a nudge is needed or you may need to move ahead because it’s time to move at your own pace.
• If you are following someone from behind keep your eyes on them and become settled into their pace. Don’t forget words of encouragement go a long way in the process of moving forward.  

 
Whether we are riding right now: in the lead, beside or behind, one thing is for certain – God has a place for us in the lives of others. As we allow Him to change our identity—one letter at a time—let’s continually ask Him to “smooth out [His] road in front of me, straight and level so that I will know where to walk” (Psalm 5:8, TPT) and then do our best to remain there.
 
#BeYou
P-Pace yourself









 

Social media can be one of those tools in life we love-to-hate, don’t you think?  I’ll be honest, as a Sanguine personality I love the social interactions but sometimes the media gets to me. This was true when, not long ago, I stumbled into a pit of self-pity after being caught off-guard by an friend's innocent post.

The trip, and eventual fall, came after a simple scroll through my Facebook newsfeed alluded to my being ignored, disregarded and unwanted. Of course, this was all pretense as there was no factual evidence this was done purposely. However, the longer I wallowed in this pit of misery, a seed was implanted and rejection began to take root. Rejection quickly turned into a twisted weed of offense, which wrapped right around my heart and put a stranglehold on my thoughts. I endured a few miserable days.

Misery festered until I was reminded of Paul’s warning to the church in Ephesus. We should heed his warning today as he left us with instruction for obtaining victory in the battles we would endure. He wrote, “in every battle, take faith as your wrap-around shield, for it is able to extinguish the blazing arrows coming at you from the Evil One!” (Ephesians 6:16, TPT). The Evil One released the arrow and had hit its intended mark—bullseye! I confess – it hit me hard. I allowed the arrow to remain implanted for a few days while I sputtered and stewed to the Lord about the matter. Step one: recognize who is shooting the arrows at you. 

The Great Counselor compassionately listened as I poured out my hurting heart to Him, but after a few days He began to gently nudge me towards freedom. (He only allows me so much time in self-pity mode before He begins to challenge my thinking). This time was no different, and He began to speak to my heart about the word offend. What He began to show me was so helpful I want to pass it on to you! Step two: recognize when it's time to listen to the Holy Spirit's nudge.

When we fail to guard our heart (Proverbs 4:23), it becomes an easy target for hurt, which often leads to offense. Goodness, offense is easy to latch on to these days; it seems to be a quick response in every situation. We are in a war with the spirit of offense as it seeks out opportunity to imprison its captives.  Solomon wasn’t lying when he wrote, “it is easier to conquer a strong city than to win back a friend whom you’ve offended. Their walls go up, making it nearly impossible to win them back” (Proverbs 18:19 TPT). But have you ever noticed the two words that make up the word offend? Look closely. They are OFF and END.

Off is defined this way: From a place or position, at a distance, separated from support. (Merriam-Webster.com).

End is defined this way: The point that marks the extent of something - it ceases to exist. (Merriam-Webster).

I realize now how the sting of offense often leads me to a place of separation from the one who pierced me. I tend to shut myself OFF for a bit, and avoid contact with the offender. This is a bit more difficult to do when the offender lives with me (it doesn’t happen often, but every now and then…). Usually stepping away helps me sort through the matter with the Lord.

BUT...

The next part of the word is END, and the Lord’s plan is for us to bring the matter to Him so it can END – quickly. He wants us to end the matter quickly because the pure in heart see Him; the pure in heart hear Him (Matthew 5:8). Offense clutters and contaminates the heart. Wise Solomon said, “The end of a matter is better than its beginning; patience of spirit is better than haughtiness of spirit (pride)” (Ecclesiastes 7:8 AMP).

When I was in the ‘off’ stage of my offense, I was ‘off’ and miserable. Oh, I was a grumpy ol’ gal. My only focus was on the perceived wrong done to me. Once I hit the ‘end’ of the matter the offense reached its extent and ceased to exist and I felt better. I felt free, actually. Step three: recognize what the offense is costing you (and others).

There will be plenty of opportunities for us to trip over offense and land in the pit of self-pity. However, we allow our identity to change—one letter at a time—when we discover the freedom that comes from reaching the end.  No need to remain off—end the matter, forgive the offender, and remove the Evil One’s arrow.

Step four: #BeYou
E-End the matter
 
 

I’m noticing a new trend within the first few days of May—social media conversations have become a firestorm of controversy over Mother’s Day. While I’ve always enjoyed gleaning advice from articles on celebrating motherhood, honoring mom or ways to encourage someone who has been like a mother to us – not everyone does.

It seems as Mother’s Day approaches a great emotional surge awakens the desire for celebrations to cease and acknowledgments to be done away with. Pastors are being encouraged to rethink having mothers stand to be recognized; some even suggesting churches stop handing out small gifts to mothers completely. Recently, I read a comment on a Mother’s Day post, expressing a desire for the day to be done away with altogether. A woman accused another of being insensitive after she expressed her opinion that honoring mom’s should continue. And the “insensitive” one was writing from a heart wounded by abortion and infertility. Ouch.

Ladies, I can’t take it anymore. This hurts my heart for so many reasons. And if it hurts mine, I can’t imagine how it must hurt our heavenly Father’s heart.  Now, before you react and call me insensitive, let me finish please.

I understand the pain, for some, is from the longing to become a mom and infertility has robbed you from the experience. I don’t know the struggle personally, but I have walked beside some who do. I’ve wept and prayed long and hard for those I’ve known yearning to experience the miracle of creating a child within their womb – but wombs remain empty. And within these relationships, I’ve known women who allowed bitterness to replace what the womb couldn’t hold, and I’ve known others who—although crushed beneath the weight of desire—fought like crazy to remain free of that trap. They’ve congratulated and embraced others with pregnancy news even while longing to be the next one to share it.

Mother’s Day is also hard for those who have had their moms leave this earth and the day brings one more reminder of how much they miss her. We miss Pat's mom each Mother's Day and this year will be the first Mother's Day my niece and nephew spend without my sister. Loss is hard. 

Broken relationships also make the day more than difficult and there are plenty who struggle with Mother’s Day due to the memories of an abusive mom. The day can easily cause the pain to intensify. Not growing up with an abusive mother doesn’t make it difficult to hurt for those who did. I’ve only heard portions of my friend Brynn’s story, but it hurts to listen as she shares bits and pieces of her past with me. Brynn suffered terrible abuse at the hands of her mother. I asked her to share her perspective on Mother’s Day…

Mother’s Day can be tough when you have a difficult mother. There are those who cannot have a relationship with their mom because of abuse. There was so much abuse in my home because of my mother, I didn’t know how to deal with it and kept it to myself.
Amazingly, I learned about God through an after-school program and accepted Christ when I was twelve years old. That’s how I survived my teen years. I cried as I read and marked up my Bible, and God was the only one I could talk to about my sadness. My mother continued to manipulate and control me after I became an adult. I went to Bible College with the hope of becoming a missionary. But I couldn’t return after my third year because I became suicidal and had difficulty concentrating. Instead, I married, started a family, and worked a full-time job. But, ten years later I became suicidal again and then again ten years after that.
When I turned fifty I no longer continued the trend of becoming suicidal; I finally got help from a licensed professional counselor and it took many years to work through my trauma. Through counseling, I learned that my relationship with my mother was detrimental to my well-being. My counselor taught me to care for myself – something I had never learned. It wasn’t easy, but I made the decision to remove myself from my mother’s control.
When I started to get better, I let her back in. But when I saw that my health was being hurt again, I had to remove her from my life again. My mother continues to try to guilt me into letting her back into my life. She stalks my siblings and me on the Internet and manipulates others into trying to reach us. She pays out tens of thousands of dollars to try to accomplish her desires, but because I’m a healed counselee, it no longer affects me like it did.
I spent many years protecting my mother. Her ability to use me strengthened her. She gets weak when she doesn’t have someone to control, so she finds people to buy who don’t realize the price they must pay for agreeing to be bought. When I share my story, people often assume I need to forgive my mother. But what people often misunderstand is that forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. Reconciliation requires action by both the offender and the abused. Since my mother has not made steps toward reconciliation, there’s nothing I can do to mend the relationship. I no longer feel guilty even when she throws barbs at me –which happens at least a couple times a year. She is responsible for her actions and I’m responsible for mine.
So I choose to pray for her well-being and her soul. Now, on Mother’s Day, I enjoy the legacy I was able to begin with my own children – by the grace of God. I love my children and they love me. It doesn’t get better than that!” – Brynn

Which do you relate to? Are you aching because of infertility?  Grieving because of loss? Haunted by the pain of abuse? Whatever upsets you on this day, let me say, I'm sorry the day is hard for you. Truly, I am. But here's what I need to ask, does not acknowledging the day for some prevent the pain for others? When we turn our focus inward and only see what was lost—or what we desire but don't have—bitterness consumes hearts quickly. Bitter hearts promptly become jealous ones and when that happens it becomes impossible for anyone to stand before us without envy (Proverbs 27:4).

This is when we begin to believe if it's too painful for me - no one should enjoy it. King Solomon once found himself in the middle of a dispute between two women; each claiming to be the mother of one infant after death claimed the life of another. When his solution was to cut the baby in half, the birth mother begged him to give the baby to the other woman. But the other woman said, “He shall be neither mine nor yours; cut him” (1 Kings 3:26). Have we become so jaded by loss and disappointment that we feel this way about Mother’s Day? If I can’t celebrate the day – I don’t want anyone to. We’ve forgotten how to “rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others’ joy], and weep with those who weep [sharing others’ grief] (Romans 1215, AMP). Instead, we’ve become a body of Believers who are unable to celebrate with others when our own life is hard or disappointing.

If your womb is empty, could there be the hope of motherhood through adoption, foster parenting or mentoring? Yes, I understand it's not the same as giving birth but there are many children in need of a mom, right? I’m asking the Lord to fill your heart with desire for His will – whatever that looks like.

If you have only the memory of a great mom – remember her this Mother’s Day. Shed tears for how you miss her but don’t begrudge the day every year because she can’t be with you. Honor her memory. Has someone stepped in as a mother figure when your birth mother was no longer there? Give thanks for her. Maybe you could find a mom who will spend the day alone and adopt her for the day. Celebrate someone's mom on this day – if not your own.

If you’re one haunted by abuse at the hands of your mother, I am asking the Lord right now to heal you from those wounds. I hope you can take the steps Brynn took to find healing. She is one of the most joyous ladies I know. Was a friend’s mother there for you during your hard years? Can you honor her? What about honoring our Spiritual mothers? Is there someone you can honor for pouring into your life spiritually?  

One of God's top ten is to "Honor your mother and father" (Exodus 20:12) and when we are able to offer a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving, even when it hurts, we are also honoring God (Psalm 50:23).

If your heart aches when Mother's Day draws near – I am asking the Lord to soothe the pain. Maybe you're a mom walking beside someone who desires to be one – love on her this Mother's Day. Hug her tight.  And if the Pastor asks mothers to stand in church please clap and honor them without resenting him for doing so. This is a true sacrifice of praise.

Honor Him as you honor a mother.  
#BeYou
​S-Sacrificial 

I’ve spent a fair amount of time lately thinking about how much of life happens little by little. I’ve had time. Like many, I succumbed to illness and the last week of recovery has felt slow. In fact, a bit too slow for my liking as healing comes little by little every day.
 
I was struck by the words, little by little, a few weeks ago after reading God’s disclosure to the Israelites on how they would obtain the land He had promised them from their enemies. He informed them He would not drive their enemies out in a single year. Instead, they would be driven out little by little until the Israelites had increased and were strong enough to take possession of the land. (Exodus 23:29-30, emphasis mine).
 
Unfortunately, I actually don’t often have the patience for the little by little. If something needs to be driven out – I’d prefer it be done immediately. Not little by little. I get tired of fighting the thing. If change is going to happen, let’s change it - now! In our younger, less-than-wise years, Pat and I blew a few budgets rather than following the little-by-little route. Go big or go home, right? That’s always been my motto.
 
Well, not always – at least not anymore. After a few failed budgets and the consequences that come from overspending, we’ve decided little by little is more than enough for us. I no longer strive in my own strength to drive the thing out and make change happen in my time. Oh, don’t get me wrong – I’d still like it to. Like a good student, I’ve learned nothing lasts if the Lord’s not in it. So now I wait. Not always very patiently, but I have learned to wait. I know He has His reasons. He has them for me just like He did for the Israelites. And He has a promise for me just like He had one planned for them. But why does He make us wait? Why? Especially when we know what we want? 
 
One of the reasons He allowed the Israelites to possess the land little by little was because He understood the importance of their need to “increase and be strong enough to take possession of the land”(vs. 23). It doesn’t do any of us any good to possess something we aren’t strong enough to handle, does it? We must fight to overcome the lie that makes us assume we are capable of supporting something He says we are not yet ready for. Impatience can be blinding.     
 
He told them, “I will not drive them out from before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the beasts of the field become too numerous for you” (vs.29, AMP). He knew what would happen to the land if He drove the enemies out all at once – they wouldn’t be able to maintain it properly. I’ve seen the same outcome in my own life when I’ve felt I was strong enough to take possession of that which I believed I was ready for but I couldn’t maintain it properly and it fell apart in my care. Impatience can be deceiving.  
 
Though the Israelites may have assumed they were ready to possess the land God had promised quickly and with little or no effort, He knew that even in obtaining the land – little by little – they were going to have to fight for it. While it is true that every good and perfect gift is from above, effort leads to appreciation (James 1:17). Impatience can lead to ingratitude.
 
Unfortunately, when that which you long for progresses little by little, the fight often gives way to discouragement and the belief it will never happen. And the temptation to give up becomes greater than the patience to wait it out. But, some things are worth fighting for. Some situations take hard work to conquer but you’re only going to conquer them in Israelites fashion – little by little.
 
Every relationship has little by little opportunities when...
 
little by little family relationships are shattered
little by little friendships deteriorate
little by little marriages weaken
 
Everyone has little by little moments when…
 
little by little finances shrink
little by little weight is gained
little by little habits change
little by little health declines
 
Every day has little by little moments when…
 
little by little irritations begin to change your mood.
little by little failure begins to swallow your confidence
little by little emotions are stuffed until you erupt like a volcano
little by little you allow negative remarks to remake you into someone unrecognizable
 
Yet when you don’t pay attention to the deception of the little by little, the possibilities become endless of what you can possess when you work it out according to God’s plan of action. You’re likely to watch as…
 
little by little family relationships are strengthened
little by little friendships deepen
little by little marriages rebound
little by little finances enlarge
little by little weight is lost
little by little habits change for the better
little by little health improves
little by little irritations are no longer allowed to control your mood
little by little failure builds confidence as you wait for God’s best
little by little emotions are dealt with through healthy communication
little by little you no longer allow the opinions of others to define you
 
God had stipulations the Israelites would need to meet before they would possess the land and it would take them much longer than a year to do so – so don’t grow weary in doing good (Galatians 6:9). Just like they’d need to wait until He knew they were strong enough to handle the responsibility, so will we. Change rarely happens overnight, right? What we really need to decide is whether or not we are willing to surrender to His standard and timetable to obtain that which we are waiting to possess. If so, keep building your strength and endurance. Then watch as, little by little, God works in you to change your identity – one letter at a time – into someone who chooses to trust Him to bring you into the promised land at just the right time. 
 
#BeYou
H-Hopeful in the little by little
 
 
 
 

Do you begin a New Year with a word for your year? In 2010 our church family was encouraged by our Pastor at a New Year’s Eve service to seek the Lord in prayer for the one word He had for you, personally, for the New Year. After many days of waiting, I felt the word release settle in my heart. I wasn’t sure exactly how He would apply it to my life but I had a sense it would be year of release for me. It was, in many ways.
 
Last year was the year to be steadfast—firm in belief and determination—which took supernatural strength when I discovered my book would go out of print, the ministry I was involved with would close its doors, and my little sister would pass away. Grief took over for a very unexpected, sorrow-filled season but steadfast in my firm belief of God’s goodness I stood in a difficult season of stillness. 

When I felt the word revision drop into my heart for this year, I became excited, considering my prayers were for a revision of The ABC Book. However, my excitement was short-lived when I began to sense He wasn’t talking about the book. While that may be part of it, I had a suspicion the Lord was more interested in revising…me. Uh oh. Here we go again. One set of revisions on Kolleen lasted about two years and I spent a majority of that time reduced to a puddle of tears as He pinpointed deep areas in need of change.
 
It’s easy to recognize your need for change when you simply can’t imagine one more day of the old. But what happens when you’ve become comfortable? (Which I am.) When life is likeable? (Which it is.) Since revision is defined as “a change or a set of changes that corrects or improves something: a new version of something” my hope was the revision wouldn’t be quite as tearful as in the past. Perhaps just a little adjustment to my attitude – I could understand that – so I hit the prayer road running. Show me what you’ve got for me, Lord! Let the revision begin!
 
He agreed and I found myself revisiting the story Luke shared about the woman who became so desperate for a revision in her life she broke all of the customary laws for her moment with Jesus. We are never introduced to her by name but different translations reveal who she was in the community: a bad woman, especially wicked sinner, an immoral woman, the prostitute and the notorious sinner. The last one gets me every time I read it – she was well known and famous for her sin. There’s nothing like a reputation to hold you hostage, is there? Especially in a small town. She would get the stink eye and cold shoulder for sure from the other women in town. I can only imagine how many times her name would be found trending on social media today. (But that’s for another post.)
 
Her reputation was ruined, her life was broken by prostitution, and just as I began to think, I don’t know what it is like to be a prostitute, Lord. I can’t relate to her brokenness in this way, I was reminded that He often described the Israelites as prostitutes. I felt the sting of tears when I read, “… a spirit of prostitution has led them astray [morally and spiritually], and they have played the prostitute, withdrawing themselves from their God” (Hosea 4:12, AMP). A spirit of prostitution causes us to withdraw from God and leads us astray when we give ourselves to other lovers. 
 
Ouch.

Talk about a divine moment; talk about a take-your-breath-away-in-conviction moment. Is it possible I have been led astray by secret lovers which have caused me to withdraw from God? Have I been found guilty of allowing myself to play the prostitute by permitting idols to fill the place reserved for Him? Idols such as...
 
Comfort? Discomfort? Dreams? Fear? Busyness? Laziness? Rebellion? Impatience? People? Oh, my. I can see now...
 
Revision corrects.

Every time the Israelites gave themselves to the idols of other nations, God called them out for their sin of prostitution. Have you been led astray by an idol in your life? Could it be: Fear? Addiction? A Grudge? Money? Anger? Perhaps, People and Politics? Remember revision corrects to make us aware of our secret lovers that would lead us astray. 
 
When this woman found out Jesus was reclining at the table in the Pharisees home – grabbing her alabaster jar – she went too. I find her bravery commendable. While it was acceptable for uninvited guests to come and listen to a Rabbi teach in a home, she would not have been invited, nor would she be welcomed. In fact, she scandalized Simon the Pharisee when she entered his home because no woman of such immoral standing would have been welcome there. I admire anyone brave enough to show up to that party uninvited and unwelcome.
 
Can you imagine the looks as she made her way into the room towards Jesus? I’m sure every set of Pharisee eyes fell upon her. It’s risky to expose brokenness but when you’ve reached the point of desperation you tend to forget what others think and finally do what’s best for you. Regardless of what others think or might say.
 
Perhaps she had heard of the invitation Jesus offered when He said to the people, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matthew 11:28-30, MSG).
 
Her need to live freely and lightly was great. Just as great as mine when I allow the spirit of prostitution to cause approval addiction to lead me astray.The fear of what others will think can cause us to withdraw from God and lead us astray as we seek to please man instead of God. I can see how...
 
Revision improves.
 
Letting go of the opinion of others can improve the quality of your life and the quality of your relationship with Christ. Revision improves our life when we refuse to be led astray by the words of others.
 
The story continues that as she was, “standing behind Him at His feet, weeping, she began wetting His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head, and [respectfully] kissed His feet [as an act signifying both affection and submission] and anointed them with the perfume” (Luke 7:38, AMP).
 
When she broke open her alabaster jar—the jar possessing a year’s worth of wages—I imagine much more than costly perfume poured out. I believe what was locked up inside of her came pouring out at that moment, too. Perhaps flowing from within her were…
 
Her shame
Her sorrow
Her guilt
Her self-hatred
Her regrets
Her suffering
Her resentment...

making this the reason her tears were so great. I can't help but believe sitting at the feet of Jesus, openly pouring out your slander and scars would produce an abundance of tears. Cleansing tears. Freeing tears. The only way she would be free to live the life she was searching for—the life God intended for her to live—was to leave her life of  prostitution. I believe God might just be reminding me of the same thing: Life becomes as He intended when I walk away from the spirit of prostitution and no longer allow myself to be led astray by the cares of this world.

This was a woman ready for revision. She was ready for Jesus to change her, to improve her and to see her – not for her sin but for her who she was. And when Jesus turned to her and said, “Your sins are forgiven. Your faith [in Me] has saved you; go in peace [free from the distress experienced because of sin]” I believe she left with what she came for (Luke 7:48 & 50, AMP). I believe she walked out of that room a completely different woman than when she walked in. Now I can see...
 
Revision makes new.
 
As I allow the Lord to change my identity – one letter at a time – I too, am ready for a year of revision. I expect it will be a year of correction and improvement but in the end He will have made something new. 
 
#BeYou
R-Revised.